The floor in a public loo also makes a good conception story

image

Another unsuccessful home (back of the car) insemination mean we are on a mission to try and better last month’s story and improve the story for the next attempt.

As previously mentioned, synchronisation can be tough between the three of us. This fertile week found us with something on everynight.  Damn Melbourne and the ever tempting lure of good food and entertainment. This called for creativity of the extreme variety.

I was pretty comfortable with doing the deed anywhere by this stage so again, we got Cam to do the name up a little package after work one night following which we made our way to the nearest hospital (funnily enough it was the same hospital we plan to deliver future children in).  The hospital was chosen due to its proximity to Cam’s while also being en route to our dinner date.  Once inside we selected a toilet which thankfully was a whole room rather than just a cubicle.  I lay down on the floor (yuck I know), pulled my pants down, rested my head on Sophs lap and inserted the syringe which was packed full of little future babies.  20 minutes later, we exited the toilet, almost guilty in our behavior, and made our way to a very enjoyable dinner with friends.  Needless to say, I washed my hair and work clothes after that encounter.
image

So that’s fine and dandy (although some may disagree) , but that is not the end of the toilet stories for this month.

We had decided to attempt twice over the fertile window to maximize the chance of success.  This meant a pick up from Cam, pre work, 2 days later.  Fortunately, I work 5 minutes walk from Cam’s.  I picked it up bright and early and proceeded to walk to work. I work in a hospital (different to the last hospital we inseminated in) and upon arrival I realised I had forgotten the syringes we used for inseminating.  I did a quick dash to one of the wards with the goods down my bra, grabbed a syringe and tried to get out again without being seen. Of course one of my mates saw me and wanted a chat.  I ended up tapping the vessel down my top stating “I just need to go and inseminate”.  Not something you hear every day I’m sure.  Of course she was dumbfounded and cracked up laughing and screeching down the corridor.  She got so excited about me doing it at work that I think she wanted to come so she could be part of it all.  I of course got rid of her and made my way to the bathroom alone.  So there I was, for the second time in a week, on a public toilet floor, dress around my waist, trying to get pregnant. Standard behaviour by now.  This time however I had a bit of a mishap.  I moved too suddenly and the syringe fell out, onto my dress.  Oh god.  Not only have I lost a lot of the swimmers, they can now be found on the back of my work dress which I need to wear all day.  How do I always find myself in these situations?

I consoled myself with the fact that I had attempted earlier in the week so no stress, this was an extra anyway. It was so wrote possible I could be pregnant.

So that was my week of insemination.  Not your standard insemination story however I feel that people get pregnant in pub toilets all the time.  It’s bound to work right?

Advertisements

A whole new meaning to the phrase “Conceived in the back of the car”

HPL car

We are back in the exciting world of home insemination  after 6 months off the game.

A quick recap of where we left things last time…

Cam, our wonderful sperm donor decided to have some fun of the unprotected variety. This lead to a forced three month wait time to make sure he was clean and healthy.

Over this ‘forced’ time off insemination, both Soph and I got promotions at work. We breathed a big sigh of relief that we had not yet fallen pregnant, and the decision was made to halt the process a little longer than originally anticipated, while we settled into our new roles.

After a wonderful mini break to Sri Lanka, we are at the point where the fun restarts.

Exactly one year after starting the process, we are ready to re-commence and try to get a bun in the oven. Well I (Hayley) am ready, Soph will continue to work and start trying again if and when I am successful. This will give her a little more time working in her new role.

The cycle tracking app was hauled out of storage and updated with the current months relevant information. As we know from past experiences, timing things with three people is not always possible.

This time, predicatably, we were all very busy with work and social engagements across the so called “fertility window”.  With no overlapping free time, something drastic was called for.

How could we best manage this? I got my logistical brain working to find this solution…

We went to his house, in between our work and his social life, to pick up the goods. The drive across town to our place, at peak hour, would not have been so good for the little guys who were happily swimming around all fresh and warm. I needed to get them in STAT and the only place available to us was our car.

How would conception occur in the back of a car while lesbians are at the helm you may ask.

This is how –

Soph was driving us both through the peak hour traffic to get us home. Meanwhile, I lay on the back seat of the car, my work clothes bunched around my waist, undies discarded on the floor, a sheet over top of me (for a modicum of decency), pillow under the bum and my feet up on the window.

We sure were a sight to behold for the poor commuters in the neighbouring cars. All in all however, it was hilarious, Soph and I had good afterwork chats, and I think I may even have been able to fit in a little nap. I really can recommend lying down on the back seat. On top of all this, if we are successful this time round, what a great story to tell the kids about how they were conceived in the back of a mazda 3.

 

 

The festive season has been too good to some of us!

We were all three excited to get back on the bandwagon and give this TTC lark a red hot go for 2015.

Dan however had other plans (Not that he was aware of these at the time).

We (as in Soph and I) had got all the boozing and eating out of the way in late December and early January and were ready for the home insemination to recommence. BUT, the night before Dan was due to come round for dinner and to do the deed, he decided to go out and have a whopping good time!

So good in fact that his night out resulted in sex… of the unprotected variety. Doh!

We received a very sheepish phone call on the morning of intended insemination to tell us the exciting news – Exciting that he got some action – not so exciting that we had potentially diseased sperm donor.  We very quickly realised that the baby making was probably going to be delayed further but we reassured Dan that we still loved him dearly and were super grateful that he had told us and not to worry about missing this month.

We were a little optimistic it seems as one month was not actually long enough. Initially we thought that would be enough time for him to get the STD/HIV checks done, he would be confirmed negative and we would be good to go again. The more we thought and read about it however, the more we realised that we should wait a little longer (3 – 6 months). This would enable any nasties to properly incubate and manifest (Of which we hoped there would be none).

So it was decided – no more attempts until the end of April/start of May.

More boozing, eggs and cheese. Life could be worse.

We could have chosen to let this event get us down but for us we chose to look at the positives. The main thing to come out of this for us is that we have a donor who is being completely open and honest with us which is all we can ask for. He could have kept it a secret and we would have been none the wiser. So thank god for Dan and his honesty.

What we are not thanking god about is Dan’s promiscuous behaviour. Although we do not want to deprive him of sex, we have emplored him to use protection in the future. He has reassured us it is really not like him and he will not do it again. Again, we just have to trust him!

So – three months of nothing coming up – What to do…

Life is really getting in the way of making babies

It really is quite annoying that we can not pack the inseminator (also lovingly referred to as Dan) into our suitcases when we go away. Equally frustrating is that we also wont fit into his suitcase when he goes away.

(He is actually quite lean and flexible – he probably could fit into ours – hmm food for thought)

It was wedding season in the Southern hemisphere and Dan had a to attend one about 2 hours from Melbourne. Needless to say, he was making a long weekend of it and staying down there with all his buddies. This was perfect for my timing. He was going to call in on his way home on the Sunday, jizz in a cup and continue home leaving us to our side of the baby making business. To our surprise however, I ovulated earlier than expected meaning I was good to go while he was at the actual wedding – we were not about to go down and annoy him while he was having a blast with his mates so decided to leave it for now. No stress, the wine and cheese could continue for another month.

Soph on the other hand, managed to get her timing sorted and inseminated without anything noteworthy occurring.  Are we already so used to this strange process that there is nothing exciting to write about? It would seem so. All just a normal month in the life of Soph and Hayley. Some neuroticism surrounding the aforementioned TWW was present, but we got through it unscathed. She got her period before we were even thinking about testing, so at least the neuroticism was shorter lived.

Yay – Wine, Cheese and summer fun could continue

Don’t get me wrong, we want a couple of babies at some stage, but still love our current lives so a few negative results will not get us down.

Month 3 of TTC – I am really getting the hang of this lingo right?

Now we had the problem of US attending a wedding over in New Zealand. Soph takes clomid/clomiphene and never knows when she is going to ovulate. Due to only being able to use clomid for 4 months in a row before needing to stop for a month or two, we decided not to waste one of her months, just in case she ended up ovulating during our week back in NZ. So she was out. And guess who ovulated naturally while we were in NZ. Thats right – ME. Right smack bang in the middle of the holiday. Wow – my timing is impeccable.

But again, we are happy to enjoy the summer, wine, cheese and soft poached eggs without letting it get us down.

Month 4 of TTC was December. There was no way we were going to do this business over the beautiful festive season. There are too many parties and fun activities to attend.

Besides, what is another month in the scheme of things. 2015 was going to be our year. January – It was going to be back on again.

I had no idea what the TWW really meant…

Until I tried it out for myself.

We were both in the TWW (two week wait) for the first cycle of home insemination so it had this fun, hopeful, excited feel to it but boy did it drag by. We were constantly asking each other if we felt anything different to normal and examining every twinge under a microscope….

Then the googling began. I know people tell you not to do this but it is so hard not to google EVERYTHING. The following questions are examples of what we wanted to know:

1. When should one expect to start to feel pregnancy symptoms? – Turns out some feel them the day after and some don’t know they are pregnant until the head is coming out… NOT HELPFUL

2. If you pee on a stick 10 days post ovulation, what are the chances of getting a positive test? – There is a 70% chance apparently, BUT some people don’t get a positive test until day 18 – NOT HELPFUL

3. What are the success rates of home insemination? Apparently the same as having sex – 20% chance. That seemed awfully low to me… NOT HELPFUL

4. I am using progesterone pessaries for a short luteal phase so I also googled this – What are the symptoms/side effects of progesterone? The progesterone pessaries mimic the signs and symptoms or early pregnancy or PMS – SO SO NOT HELPFUL

You would think this would mean we would stop the google searches. No, it did not mean this. We continued to search and look for clues in everything we did and felt. We are by no means desperate to have a baby immediately and it would be naive to think it was 100% going to happen on attempt one, (although the scary thought of both being pregnant was nerve wracking) We just wanted to find out either way…

Anyway, we FINALLY got to the end of the waiting period and both of us were negative. Although mildly disappointed, we had a food and wine festival to go to so not all bad news.

Bring on the cheese and wine!

NB: Do not feel bad for us – this post is written in the future and we are ok with it. Things have happened that mean a positive test that first attempt, would not have lead to opportunities later on… We are completely fine with no baby yet.. The TWW never gets easier though. It is still a really long time to sit and wait around in order to find out whether your life is about to change or not…

I forgot what sperm smells like..

And that is a good thing because it is gross.

This post will be a little story about insemination attempt numero uno… There are more stories to come and they are all hilarious, but the first is definitely one of the more memorable. Perhaps just because it was the first.

Against all odds, Soph and I were ovulating together. This was so strange because in normal life, there are two weeks in four which see us out of action. Wouldn’t it be nice if we did everything in synch so were only out of action for one week per month… haha fat chance.

But for attempt one, of course the stars aligned. Considering the fact that we did not actually want to get pregnant on the same day, we had to decide what to do. Whether to risk the possibility of both being successful first try, or for one of us to not try for the month. I think we were delirious with excitement about the prospect, thought bugger it, and decided to both give it a whirl.

We sorted out the timing with Cam and agreed that he would come over twice throughout the window period and we would divide each load. There are the obvious pros and cons to splitting the load, but we thought that each getting a smaller load twice was better than a whole load once (I do not know the science behind it but hey… it’s all trial and error over here).

So he came over to our place on night one, we made him dinner and then sat around chatting… For quite a while. It was a difficult conversation to have

“So… are you ready to go and jack off in our bathroom while we just weirdly sit around and wait…”

But eventually we got down to business. Thankfully my sister lives downstairs and she wasn’t home. We had agreed with Cam that he would go to our bathroom, do the deed while we would sit downstairs watching telly. Once he was done, he would text us, leave through the front door and we would come in by the back door at the same time. This meant we would not have to have that awkward and downright weird conversation after he had finished… I mean do you hug after someone has just beaten off in your bathroom? What is the protocol exactly?

Anyway, off we went downstairs and there was a re-run of Sex and the City. Perfect. We settled in for some SJP and friends. 20 minutes later, we still had not heard from him. Until this text came through. . .

“so this is harder than I thought it would be. This is super embarrassing but I have my computer with me, can I have your wifi password?”

Soph and I were rolling around on the couch in fits of laughter, trying to muffle it so he couldn’t hear it upstairs, and we sent the password up. That seemed to do the trick because no more than 8 minutes later, the confirmation text came through and we heard the front door opening.

Up we ran in eager anticipation to see what was waiting for us on our bathroom shelf.

And boy did it look like a very small volume. I had some 10 mL syringes from work which I thought were going to do the trick. I had no idea that the average male ejaculation was 2 – 5 mL. Needless to say, we used the smaller 3 mL syringes instead.

We took the cup into our room, opened the lid and proceeded to start gagging at the smell. We had been together now for a total of 10 years and in that time had not had any encounters involving semen. It all came rushing back however and my god that stuff is BAD.

So we sucked the greyish/off white liquid into our sterile syringes and proceeded to inseminate. Now we are told that the best way to get success is to have a little fun and have an orgasm. That’s all well and good but how exactly does that work when we are both lying next to each other with our legs in the air and a syringe sticking out of your nether regions. We decided to just talk and laugh (although not too hard in order to keep the precious liquid inside) through this episode, and perhaps try different techniques through future inseminations, when we are not both doing it together.

As we were lying there, pelvises tilted up with pillows under the hips and legs in the air, I felt a long forgotten trickle between the butt cheeks. Oh god. I am having major flashbacks to my hetero days. Eeeww.

The second attempt that week was a little easier for all involved.

He popped over after being out for dinner with some mates, had a cup of tea, left a deposit, we hugged before he left, laughed about the first try two nights earlier, we did the deed and Bobs your uncle.

This is all we have left of that night…

Insemination

Certainly not the normal memorabilia associated with making a baby, but there you go. Now fingers and legs crossed for the dreaded TWW (Two week wait).

Signing the pre-nup… With a third party!

contract

We left the last post at Soph and I deciding to try and conceive at the same time. Cam is totally on board with our decision and is ready to commit to us and our wild ideas. I suppose it is a little easier for Cam agree since he will not have to live with two hormonal crazy pregnant ladies. In saying this, I don’t know if he had really thought through how often he will need to supply us with his goods – on top of keeping the swimmers fresh, it amounts to a lot of alone time for poor Cam.  But he seemed keen enough though, so we put pen to paper and made things official.

In Melbourne, the signing of an agreement is just that. An agreement, not a legally binding contract. This means that at any point, any of the parties of said agreement can contest the agreement in court. It is still a good idea to have an agreement in place as it shows intent.

If you would like to see the contract we wrote up and agreed on, continue to read below. . . (It is quite wordy but for those wanting to draft something up, it may be helpful).

For those that make it to the end, we added a funny little claus in the final paragraph. If you are fortunate enough to live somewhere that the agreement can be legally binding, I would suggest not adding anything like this in. For us it was just a little way to lighten the mood of it.

We did get this checked over by family lawyers also, but did not hire them to make it official. They were happy with it as a document and thought it covered everything we needed to cover.

If anyone has any questions about the process, please do not hesitate to message us

DONOR AGREEMENT

This AGREEMENT is made this ___ day of ____ 2014

by and between ______(NAME)________ of ______(ADDRESS)______, hereafter DONOR,______(NAME)_______ and _____(NAME)_________ of ______(ADDRESS)______, hereafter RECIPIENTS, who may also be collectively referred to herein as the parties.

NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the promises of each other, DONOR and RECIPIENTS agree as follows:

  1. Each clause of the AGREEMENT is separate and divisible from the others, and, should a court refuse to enforce one or more clauses of this AGREEMENT, the others are still valid and in full force.
  2. The DONOR has agreed to provide his semen free of charge to the RECIPIENTS for the purpose of artificial insemination.
  3. Each party acknowledges and agrees that, through the procedure of artificial insemination, both RECIPIENTS are attempting to become pregnant.
  4. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the DONOR provided his semen for the purposes of said artificial insemination, and did so with the clear understanding that he would not demand, request, or compel any guardianship, custody or visitation rights with any child born from the artificial insemination procedure. Further, the DONOR acknowledges that he fully understands that he would have no paternal rights whatsoever with said child(ren).5. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the RECIPIENTS have relinquished any and all rights that she might otherwise have to hold the DONOR legally, financially, or emotionally responsible for any child(ren) that result from the artificial insemination procedure.6. Each party acknowledges and agrees that any resulting child will have no legal or financial claim on the DONOR in perpetuity.
  5. Each party agrees that any offer or gift of financial or other material support by the DONOR to the child(ren), the RECIPIENTS or any future guardian(s) will not create any ongoing obligation for the DONOR to provide such support in perpetuity.8. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the sole authority to name any child resulting from the artificial insemination procedure shall rest with the RECIPIENTS.
  6. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the RECIPIENTS shall be named as parents on the birth certificate of any child born from the artificial insemination procedure.
  7. Each party relinquishes and releases any and all rights he or she may have to bring a suit to establish paternity.
    11. Each party covenants and agrees that, in light of the expectations of each party, as stated above, the RECIPIENTS shall have absolute authority and power to appoint a guardian for their child, and that the mother and guardian may act with sole discretion as to all legal, financial, medical and emotional needs of said child without any involvement with or demands of authority from the DONOR.
  8. Each party covenants and agrees that the identity of the DONOR shall be made known to the child(ren) from birth. The identity of the DONOR refers to any and all personal information provided to the RECIPIENTS by the DONOR from which the DONOR may be identified. The extent and nature of disclosures to the child(ren) about the identity of the DONOR will be determined at the sole discretion of the RECIPIENTS and/or any future guardian(s).
  9. The RECIPIENTS consent to the DONOR requesting contact with any child born from the artificial insemination procedure. For the purposes of this agreement, contact refers to direct communication with the child(ren) in person or by any other means. Each party acknowledges that such a request for contact does not amount to an assertion of any legal right of custody, guardianship, or visitation by the DONOR.
  10. Each party agrees that the extent and nature of the contact with the DONOR will be determined from time to time at the sole discretion of the RECIPIENTS and/or any future guardian(s) until the child(ren) reach the age of majority as defined by the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth). The RECIPIENTS agree to exercise this discretion in good faith in the best interests of the child(ren) with whom contact is being determined. Parties agree that any relationship formed between the DONOR and child(ren) as a result of this contact will not constitute a parental relationship with any of its concomitant rights or responsibilities.
  11. Each party reserves the right not to disclose the identity of the DONOR to any person who is not party to this AGREEMENT unless required to do so by law. If the DONOR were to so request, the RECIPIENTS agree not to disclose the identity of the DONOR or any individual element of the identity of the DONOR to any specific persons or class of persons, unless required to do so by law.
  12. The DONOR agrees to provide the RECIPIENTS with his current contact information, including his address and telephone number. In the event that this contact information becomes obsolete or changes, the DONOR agrees to provide the RECIPIENTS with updated contact information where reasonably practicable and within a reasonable amount of time.
  13. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the relinquishment of all rights, as stated above, is final and irrevocable. DONOR further understands that his waivers shall prohibit any action on his part for custody, guardianship, or visitation in any future situations, including the event of RECIPIENTS’s disability or death.
  14. Each party acknowledges and understands that any future contact the DONOR may have with any child(ren) that result(s) from the artificial insemination procedure in no way modifies the operation of this AGREEMENT, nor creates any further legal or financial obligations that are not otherwise contained herein. Any such contact will be at the discretion of the RECIPIENTS and/or appointed guardian, and will be consistent with the intent of both parties to sever any and all parental rights and responsibilities of the
  15. The RECIPIENTS consent to the DONOR requesting information on the welfare of any child born from the artificial insemination procedure. Information on the welfare and wellbeing of the child(ren) includes, but is not limited to, information about his, her or their health, educational progress and general wellbeing. Each party acknowledges and agrees that such a request for information does not amount to an assertion of any legal right of custody, guardianship, or visitation by the DONOR. The extent and nature of the information provided to the DONOR will be determined at the sole discretion of the RECIPIENTS and/or any future guardian(s). The RECIPIENTS agree to exercise this discretion in good faith in the best interests of the child(ren) to whom the information relates.
  16. Each party acknowledges and agrees that the RECIPIENTS and any future guardian(s) may at their absolute discretion and at any time move interstate or overseas with any child(ren) that result from the artificial insemination procedure. The DONOR consents without qualification to the relocation of the child(ren) interstate or overseas.
  17. Each party acknowledges and understands that there are legal questions raised by the issues involved in this AGREEMENT, which have not been settled by stature or prior court decisions. Notwithstanding the knowledge that certain of the clauses stated herein may not be enforced in a court of law, the parties choose to enter into this AGREEMENT and clarify their intent that existed at the time the artificial insemination procedure was implemented by them.
  18. Each party acknowledges and agrees that she or he signed this AGREEMENT voluntarily and freely, of his or her own choice, without any duress of any kind whatsoever. It is further acknowledged each party understands the meaning and significance of each provision of this AGREEMENT. It is further acknowledged that each party has been advised to secure the advice and consent of an attorney of his or her own choosing, and that each party understands the meaning and significance of each provision of the AGREEMENT.
  19. Each party acknowledges and agrees that any changes made in the terms and conditions of the AGREEMENT shall be made in writing and signed by both parties.
  20. This AGREEMENT contains the entire understanding of the parties. There are no promises, understandings, agreements or representations between the parties other than those expressly stated in this AGREEMENT.
  21. RECIPIENTS acknowledge that the child(ren) will be North Melbourne supporters from birth even in the event of continued and prolonged poor performance.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties hereunto have executed this AGREEMENT, in the

Country of Australia State/Territory of Victoria, and Town of ________. on the ____ day of ______ 2014.
Donor …….      Name _________                    Signature………………………………………. Date………………

Recipient        Name _________                    Signature………………………………………. Date………………

Recipient        Name _________                    Signature………………………………………. Date………………

Witness has known recipients for _____ years.   Witness has known recipients to have been living together in a lesbian relationship for ____ years.

Witnessed by  Name _____________                        Signature………………………………………. Date…………….

Was he ready for the bomb we were about to drop?

sonic_base__bomb_surprise_by_candythehedgebatcat9-d4s1ebv

We had a few more triple dates with Cam and fell more and more in love with the idea that he was going to be our donor. (We even started calling him Cam Kebab… as in donor kebab)

With us loving the idea of Cam, but not wanting to do this dating thing again, we had the following thought processes…

1. We want him to be the donor for all our children.

2. What if we have one child and then in two years when we are ready to go again he has changed his mind – would we have to go through this dating process again???

3. What if one of us is infertile and we start trying again in two years and it actually takes 5 years. This would mean a big gap between children….

4. What if we BOTH tried now – with the hope that conception occurs three months apart…

5. YES

6. NO.

7. Two mums to breastfeed = YES

8. Two pregnant and hormonal women living together = NO

9. Two parents on maternity leave at once = YES

10. Babies being born on the same day/week/month = NO

11. Not having to do the newborn phase twice = YES

12. Having at least one sane, well slept parent in that tiring newborn phase = NO

13. Less chance of Cam changing his mind = YES

14. There is always the fear that we wont bond with each others children if we have “our own” to take all our attention (hopefully unlikely but risky all the same) = NO

15. Our kids will always have a playmate = YES

With the pros and cons list sorted – we decided to put it to Cam to get a gauge on how crazy the general population would consider us to be if we went ahead with it.

He thinks we are crazy.

BUT… the thing is, I can convince anyone that my way is the right way. So even if it is a terrible idea, I will sell it, make it my own and not many people will be able to find an argument to sway me, and consequently Sophie is dragged along.

Besides which, he didn’t mind going along with it as he said it sounded like we had given it a lot of thought and consideration.. Plus its our lives we would be messing with and hopefully it means we need his help for a shorter duration.

So there it is… Our new plan is to do it together and try for Irish twins…

Woohoo!

First Date

first date

We excitedly planned our first date with Cam (Pseudonym). As is often the case with a first date, there was anxiety about where we should go, with the added inconvenience of having three people trying to make the decisions. We ended up throwing the ball in his court to make it as easy as possible for him. We needed to make it easy for him because we had each other and he had to be a very brave boy and come alone! Not to mention offering up his little swimmers which is a whole other kettle of fish for awkwardness.

We decided that brunch was the way to go for a first date. This meant we could judge his idea of a good brunch (essential), but also keep it short if things were a little awkward. He chose somewhere in the north called twenty and six. We had not yet heard of this cafe, but the menu looked quite promising (plus it was hipsterville north – can’t go wrong really can you). So the date was set.

brunch

Never have we been so nervous about going out for brunch. First decision – What to wear? This meeting was going to decide our fate.  We are pretty casual in our everyday attires but we didn’t think shorts and a t shirt was going to cut it for this date. We needed to dress it up a little, without being outright fake. Oh the stress. Jeans and nice tops were the final safe decision – eek.

Secondly – What should we talk about? Finding something to talk about is not something I would normally struggle with. This time however, I didn’t know whether to just chat and learn more about each other, or whether to talk about the insemination process. Oh wow – there was still time at this point to back out… Are we sure about this?

Of course we were sure. We kept the date.

That fateful Saturday arrived, nerves made us feel a little ill, but off we went to meet bachelor number one.

We shouldn’t have worried. He was (is) great. He is handsome, funny, thoughtful, altruistic (obviously) and smart. Basically, he was the perfect match for us and we wanted him to be our donor…  We were not expecting to like/love the first person we met so this was a big surprise for us. Is this what they call love at first sight?  (I really hope he doesn’t read blogs about lesbians making babies).

Following date number one, we had the waiting game. . . Now I know what people mean when making the BIG decision about when to send that first text message. Oh the torture. When is too soon?? When is too late?? Or should he send the first one?? Argh. So many decisions. It was pretty hilarious though when Soph and I were to be found composing a message together to send to him.  We spent about 20 minutes writing it, changing it, deleting it and writing it again finally to send something that was probably very similar to the first draft.

text response

It worked though. We set the second date.

Woohoo – It seems we are still catches, even when we talk about making babies on the first date. (although this is not recommended for others going on date number one).

Online dating

online-dating

We have been together for ten years now which means we missed the whole online dating scene. Obviously we are gutted to have never been able to use tindr, RSVP and other such wonders, because it all seems like a bit of a laugh. I suppose on the flip side, we have not spent years trawling the internet and going on weird awkward dates with relative strangers to try and find that perfect person to complete our lives.

Neither of us thought we would ever have the opportunity to get in amongst it but the decision to do home insemination with someone yet unknown, meant we were about to start a different type of online dating. Needless to say, we were pretty excited.

We decided to use a site which cost a nominal amount, looked ugly but seemed to be monitored enough to keep most of the creepos away.

First up, we needed to sort out what was important to us. For the initial contact, we were not very picky. We wanted a Melbourne dwelling male of any race between the ages of 24 and 38. We also wanted them to have filled in their profile properly but were not fussed about the presence of photo (We were trying not to be superficial).

http://www.dreamstime.com/-image18910583

We narrowed the list to approximately 30 people, composed a short email to each potential donors, with the aim of enticing them into choosing us as their recipients. In retrospect, we realise that our initial email was SO important in defining our future. I don’t think either of us had considered this so the initial email was glibly sent off with not a lot of care.

It was time to wait for the responses to start rolling in and boy it felt like a lifetime had passed before we got responses back. This online dating is a tough emotional roller coaster.

One thing we did get though, was contact from a few men wanting to donate to us. Some even contacted prior to us filling in our profile. This to us is a little weird. It seems like they are lying in wait, watching to see who joins up, then pounces to try and get in first. A little too needy and desperate in our eyes and who knows how many people they have helped out… We dismissed these desperados from the outset (Although would have considered going back to the desperate ones if we got no other responses).

Finally however, we had the responses we wanted. We had been pretty open about our options at the initial list compilation but became pretty strict in the second round cull. Most of our eliminations from the potential donor pile were based on grammar, spelling and forming basic sentences.  If anyone used a the letter u in place of you, there instead of their, your instead of you’re or just basic poor use of punctuation it was an immediate elimination. These people were politely declined with a short but personalised email.

The maybe pile was surprisingly small.

We were really getting the hang of this online dating gig. It was fun and exciting all bundled into a little bit of weirdness. Thats what it is like for the general population right?

Finally, after a little back and forth, we whittled down our list to 5 potentials. We were going to do the dodgy though and secretly online date all of them at once. Hopefully we were going to be able to keep their names and details straight in our heads… If not, it could have been a little disastrous.

We had a list of questions we wanted answered that were very important to us. There was no point in wasting our time or theirs so we asked the questions now, prior to meeting up. If they were on a different page to us, we thought it was best to nip it in the bud as early as possible and cull further if need be.

For those interested – here are the questions we wanted answered.

  1. What sort of contact do you want from any children born?
  2. Will you consider helping us out for multiple pregnancies?
  3. If we need to go to a clinic for fertility reasons, will that be ok?
  4. What is your current sexual practise/activity?
  5. Have you considered your current or future partners needs?
  6. Have you donated in the past?
  7. What involvement do you envisage your extended family having?
  8. Health Information of them and their families.
  9. Are you happy to sign an agreement?
  10. You do know there will be no sexual intercourse right?
  11. We also asked them to attach a photo – although we didnt want to choose based on looks, we did want to see what we were getting in to.

Also, just so they knew what they were facing… we inserted a few photos of ourselves. Thankfully, following the photos, distribution they all stayed in communication with us. That was a bonus.

photo 3-4 (5)DSC_0033DSC_0081

We got our responses to these questions, some photos and everyone seemed to be on the same page. It was now time to sort out a meet and greet and take this to the next level.

The thing was, we had fallen for one in particular… We REALLY wanted him to be our donor. So he was our first date…

Read next time to see how the move from the online to actual dating part of the process went!